For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
