Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
