True but thats because hes a fetus.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
