More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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