So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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