We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
