ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
