tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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