I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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