my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
