why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
