I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
