I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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