I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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