so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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