She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
