I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
