And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize