did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
