6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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