he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
