i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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