if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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