I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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