Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
