Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
