So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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