if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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