We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize