youre lurking in front of me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
