he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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