My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
