Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
