nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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