Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My feet surprised me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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