In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i died would you start the facebook group?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
