First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
