My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
