I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
