just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
