i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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