Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize