a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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