just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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