My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
