Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
