her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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