I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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