ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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