I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
