it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Come on in and take your pants off
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