Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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