I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
