A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
