He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
