Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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