i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
