tell your sister to shave her snatch
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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