i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize