U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
