Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
