Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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