I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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