i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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