omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
