I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need water and some morals
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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