I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize