Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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