My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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