so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
