I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
