now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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