Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
