there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
