i was born a porn star she said
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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