He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
