I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize