he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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