I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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