Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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