Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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