In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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