nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
