fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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