please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
