i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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