For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the liver wants what the liver wants
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
