You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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