when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
