My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
