It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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