My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
