We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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