butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
