Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
