we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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