I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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