i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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