She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
