If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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