I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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