i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
