I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
