Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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