I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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