I think I won the penis lottery.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
