Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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