She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
