from now on my penis is your penis
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
