he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
