I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
