That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
