Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
