My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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