I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
as a side note pls kill me
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