The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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