I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
