ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
