the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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