The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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