im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We're facebook friends in real life
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
