His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
