I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize