im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
